I'm so hungry I'm about ready to eat the table. The good news is I saw an incredible sunrise this morning and took a walk on the beach - just me and the guy who leads the water buffalo around combing the sand before the tourists descend to mess it all us. Our decision to splurge and stay at the Victoria Resort right on the ocean, just a few Km outside of Hoi An gave us time to recover from the non-stop, whirlwind of the first week. I have mixed emotions about being here because it's so beautiful with so many amenities that we were hard pressed to leave today to go into town. After a breakfast of the most exotic fresh fruits, cereals, breads, eggs, pancakes (and array of Vietnamese noodle soup and the other usual Asian fare of which we did not partake) we laid by the pool for a bit, swam and walked the beach.


We took the shuttle bus to town at 10am (of course I felt like I'd already put in a full day). We made the mistake of heading toward the main market which I assumed would be the most historic area. I was wrong and we ended up amongst the chaos of local people doing their morning shopping and were attacked by hawkers on every side. One woman in particular was especially "engaging" and managed to entice me with the suggestion that she could "thread" my chin (remove the peachfuzz on my face using a very fine thread in some intricate way of rolling it across the surface of my skin). With promises of looking 10 years younger at the cost of only a dollar, we decided the experience might be worth it. We followed her thru a maze of stalls selling every imaginable kind of fruit & vegetable, meat, fish, spice, noodle, you name it until we reached a tiny shanty of a stall amongst a bunch of motorbikes way, way in the back recesses of the public market building (although by now we were actually outside again). The makeshift stall was constructed of sticks of wood haphazardly nailed together with a cardboard roof also covered in a blue plastic tarp. Ahh, my first spa experience in Vietnam! Who would have expected that it would have been a back alley beauty treatment. She found both kelly and me a couple of those ubiquitous tiny stools they all love to sit on which aren't bad if you're 5 feet tall but if for the "two fat Americans", as we've taken to calling ourselves, these tiny stools were not the most comfortable seats for what would be a rather painful experience. And of course before we could sit down we were surrounded by a half dozen others trying to sell us chopsticks and bracelets and bowls made from coconut shells. My new best friend rubbed some kind of white talcum powder from a stick all over my chin and set to work. Before Kelly knew it someone was threading the hairs on her legs. I ended up - for just $2 more - having my upper lip done as well, not a simple or pain-free task. Our host and perpetrator was a real local character who talked in very good English non-stop while she worked, asking all kinds of questions about America and where we were from, how old we were, etc. She had a funny giggly laugh which just set us at rest that we'd made a good choice. Next thing I knew my legs were being threaded as well - which was not so easy for the woman who'd taken over since I'd just shaved a day or so before. But this woman worked incredibly hard to extract every little stubble she could find. After about 45 minutes and $13 I sure felt a lot smoother but not a day younger! it was a great experience that I won't soon forget.

Following the back alley beauty treatments we bought a few more trinkets and made our way to one of the woman's "store" inside the tailoring center. This one had said she had a "clothing" store but what she really meant was a tailor shop. There is an entire building in the center of Hoi An comprising tailor stalls of one after another. While there are a dozen or more sample dresses and suits, tuxedos, coats and varying outfits, those are really just intended to give you ideas of what custom made clothing you might order. They can make up this stuff in a day or two, depending on the complexity of the design, for a fraction of what it would cost you to have it done in the west. For the most part, the workmanship we saw was superb. Each stall has stacks upon stacks of fabric in every color and type imaginable - wool, silk, cotton, you name it. Kelly found herself attracted to an impressive dark gray winter wool jacket trimmed in red silk. Before we knew it, the girl had it on kelly and was asking her to select the fabric and what color trim did she want. We'd both decided before hand that we weren't going to do this, since both Kelly and I know we each need to lose 20-30 pounds. But she was close to committing and was asking my advice on colors and fabrics and getting all caught up in this scene. Our shopkeeper was anxious to make this sale pushing Kelly to make a decision - I can't even recall now the cost but it was incredibly cheap - and I searched Kelly's eyes to see if she really wanted to go thru with this. Kelly appeared mesmerized by the entire experience - either that or she was not experiencing heat stroke standing there in 100 degree heat in a heavy woolen jacket - until I finally got her back to her senses and agreeing that perhaps she'd better think on this over lunch. Our salesperson was none too happy and kept dragging out more fabrics and colors while I tried to pry Kelly away from her grasp. Eventually I won and got Kelly out of the coat and out of the building before the order could be written.

We wandered the streets around the market frustrated by the hawkers and cyclo drivers trying to talk us into a fare. This was not the Hoi An we'd imagined. Perhaps we had just been too sheltered by beautiful Hue where the tourism industry, while prevalent, is not overbearing. I was hungry, hot, thirsty and tired. After a few blocks we seemed to be entering an area a bit more posh and upscale although the street merchants still sold their wares on every corner or haphazardly on the sidewalk in front of whatever shop they selected. Unlike Western cities, there's less of a sense of upscale "neighborhood" very downmarket neighborhood. I think it may have something to do with the land ownership issues. I get the sense most land and buildings stay in families for generations so that if one family wants an upscale Western style clothing shop and the family next door wants to put in or rent to some one selling bricks, it just happens. it's just the way it is. The farther we got from the market we stumbled on an area that certainly catered more to Westerners than others in spite of the odd temple or Chinese organization thrown in, and eventually we found a few Western restaurant/cafes where we decided to stop for lunch. The Cargo Club was written up in all the guidebooks and my friend Cindy who'd visited here two years ago had concurred that this was a good place to stop for burgers if we'd reached a point that pho noodle soup was no longer cutting it for us. So we took the plunge and ordered cheeseburgers. I ordered what was now my 3rd pina colada - hadn't yet found one that wasn't watery and warm and unfortunately this place was no different. But the food was good, the atmosphere relaxing and we were happy to be out of the sun and away from the hawkers for a short reprieve.

After an hour or so we headed back into the streets and wandered until we finally hit the river. We were both exhausted from this endless shopping and wandering aimlessly and the thought of being poolside beckoned us back to the Victoria for a quiet evening. We had massages scheduled for 8pm so after some showers and lounging in the room, we headed over to the spa. I had selected an hour long combination massage of Vietnamese spices and Swedish techniques. Unfortunately, I was so tired, I slept thru most of it only to be awakened by 9pm when the spa was preparing to close. I certainly felt more relaxed than I had in awhile and we stumbled back to our rooms to hunker down for the night. As i drifted off to sleep Kelly fiddled with the computer to try (unsuccessfully again) to watch Merle Streep's latest movie (it's Complicated) one of many she'd been lugging with her all over Vietnam. But of course within 10 minutes she conked out as well and it would be several more nights before either of us successfully watched the damn thing all the way thru.

To be continued...

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